ANGELS AND DEMONS - short story

June 15th, 2022

story from the book: NOT EVERYTHING IS LIKE IT SEEMS Life-written Fairy Tales for Adults

by Katarzyna Nowocin-Kowalczyk (Catherine)

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And it happened once that during my journey called life, I got lost in a dark forest. And this forest was getting denser and denser. Getting darker and darker. I didn't see the path. I couldn't see the light. I couldn't see the door. I wandered in the narrow, cramped, closed corridors of some dark labyrinth of black trees that took on increasingly scary forms. Demons lurked everywhere I looked. And at some point these corridors became one narrow and dark corridor, going down steeper and steeper. I was falling and collapsing into some rock abyss. A well without water, in which, when falling, I was spinning in circles. And it was getting colder and colder there. Darker and darker. And I was getting weaker and weaker and more and more lost. Increasingly sad.

I didn't have a map. I didn't have a flashlight. I didn't even have a candle or a match. At least that's what I thought at the time. I was alone and very lonely. And the thoughts were terrible. Dark and getting darker. Gloomy. Like the corridor where I was trapped. Thoughts were like worms crawling in the head in all directions and causing chaos of thoughts. The head was heavy with these thoughts. Breasts were squeezed by some iron hoop. It seemed that the heart had been crushed by a pile of stones. Some kind of debris. And I carried more bags of stones on my back and bent under them. I walked slower and slower. Without strength. I felt as if my soul had fallen to pieces. To millions of particles that have scattered throughout the Universe. And I couldn't find them. I couldn't glue them together. I couldn't find myself. Until I finally forgot who I was. My soul fell apart and with it my whole world fell apart.

There were so many demons. And the more I focused on them, the more I wanted to get away from them, the more they cornered me. And there were more and more of them. As if they spontaneously multiplied under the influence of these wormy thoughts. It was enough for me to think of one of them, and he immediately dragged a whole army of more demons with him. And these demons danced their demonic dance around me. And me? I was sitting, or rather lying huddled and terrified. Lonely. Unhappy. Without strength. I pretended to be alive, even though I was dead while I was alive.

And these demons were my past. Little did I know at the time that I had dragged them from the past to my future, which was the present, when in fact it was still the past. Behold, I dwelt among the demons. And I myself became a demon. A demon to myself. I lived in the past and I was the past. But I didn't understand this at the time.

And I was so focused on these demons that I didn't even see that among these dark demons, there were bright figures who reached out to me. As if they wanted to show the way. Help. I ran away from them. I was afraid of the light. I hated my demons, and at the same time I clung to them and didn't want to let go. And instead of light, I chose darkness. Impotence of action.

It became more and more difficult to breathe. It became more and more difficult to live. The soul hurt more and more. She cried in me and I cried with her. I wanted to feel nothing. I wanted not to think. I wanted to sleep. I wanted to forget. I wanted to die. And I didn't know I was dead. I was in hell and I hit the bottom of hell. I was in the hell of my own mind.

I wandered through this hell for a long, long time, and even longer. I stopped counting time. Because there is no time in hell. In hell, time seems to be an eternity. It is long, heavy and dark. In hell, time is darkness without end. Because in hell there is only hell. A desert without water and life. No air. No light. Lots of debris, stones and garbage. And a lot of dark demons that for some reason are close. Like friends. You love them and hate them at the same time. You shout in despair, “Go away! Disappear! Leave me alone!"And in a moment you run after them and beg, “Don't leave. Don't leave me. I don't want to be alone." And you cling to them.

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